Tuesday, December 18, 2012

I Needed To Hug A Teacher Today

It has been four days since the news broke, and I still cannot wrap my heart and my mind around what happened.

26 dead.
6 teachers.
20 children.

Children, for God's sake!

Innocent souls with pure hearts and innocent minds.
Oblivious to the "bad guys" that roam this world.
In a building that we all assume is one of the safest places to send our most precious gifts
Taken too soon and given wings more magical than their little imaginations could dream of.

I am sad.
I am angry.
I am fearful.
I am speechless.
I am weak.
I am a Mom.

This could happen anywhere.
At anytime.
And it did.
And although it happened over 800 miles from my home....over a 12 hour car drive away...it feels as though it happened in my own neighborhood.

Oh, those sweet, sweet souls.
Today was the first day that I drove my children to school since this horrific event last Friday.
I was scared.
I wanted to keep my two most precious gifts in my life that God gave me in my house with me today.
But I knew I couldn't.
I knew they needed to maintain their own "normal lives" even though I was struggling with my own.
I can't keep them safe from every bad guy out there.
So we went to school.
As I approached the street of my son's school, the sinking feeling in my stomach got worse.
My hands were shaking as I held the steering wheel.
I was nauseous.
I was bouncing back and forth between hot flashes and cold sweats.
Naive to my feelings, my two children sat in the backseat and listened and sang along to Christmas carols.
I wish I was that naive to the world around me.
I sat in the carpool drop off line and waited for directions to pull forward.
I watched young, innocent children hold the hands of their teachers and skip into school.
My own son was wrestling with his back pack and couldn't wait to join in!
"Mom, we are having a jammie day at school today with popcorn!"
Yes, my son was wearing his Spiderman jammies to school today.
They were celebrating a class accomplishment today with PJs, popcorn and a movie.
I don't remember driving anymore until I realized that my car was stopped and my son was asking for help to get out of the car.
I was numb.
As I got out to walk him around the car to the waiting teacher, it happened.
I always kiss the top of my son's head and tell him to have a good day and that I will see him soon and we will play.
Did I do that?
I don't know.
All I remember is walking up to that teacher and hugging her.
And I cried.
Not just a misty-eyed cry.
I cried those big, huge, fat tears.
And the only words that I could whisper to her were "I needed to hug a teacher today."
And she hugged me.
She said something to me, but I don't know what it was.
(For all I know she was telling me to stop hugging her and that she was going to call security!)
But I doubt that.
And I am sure that I was holding up the carpool drop off line, but I don't care.
Because I needed to hug a teacher today.
And that sad, angry, fearful, speechless weak Mom that I was five minutes ago was now gone.
Because I needed to hug a teacher today.

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1 comment:

  1. My heart is still in pieces over what happened at Sandy Hook. I think we all need to go and hug a teacher - the violence in our society is insane.